


For Love is Immortality

by FujiDawn



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Immortality, M/M, mascara alert, see Notes for added Warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-30
Updated: 2014-09-30
Packaged: 2018-02-19 09:09:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2382836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FujiDawn/pseuds/FujiDawn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being offered an aesir lifespan, Tony Stark has to decide to either accept or decline.<br/>In the end, the decision is not a hard one.<br/>The results are.</p><p>Title quoted by Emily Dickinson.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Love is Immortality

**Author's Note:**

> ADDITIONAL WARNING IN THE END NOTE.
> 
> Okay, this was inspired by some comment I read. The person asked why everyone always accepted apples or immortality.  
> I decided to take on that specific thematic and work my way around it (...while waiting for my muse to take over and give me an idea for "Lights for a dying Star" and the fourth installment of "And we, too, could be glorious"... what, haven't read them? I've been told they're worth the time! ;D Go read them! *advertising off*).  
> Turned out to be a heavy thing full of Angst and hurt and pain.  
> 

It was not unusual for Tony Stark to be seen with a drink before the clock had struck three in the afternoon.  
Nobody thought more into the situation – Tony was known for his odd drinking hours. He may have gotten past his more abusive relationship with liquor, and he may have cut back a lot, but that did not mean in the least that he wouldn't grab a glass whenever the mood would strike.  
Unusual in this special case was the reason why Tony Stark decided to drink.  
“Tony, you okay? That face usually means something's wrong.”, Bruce Banner decided to ask a little while later, when he crossed the Avenger's living room, almost not noticing the still figure on the couch.  
The engineer's answer was draining the glass and get up to fetch another.  
“Oh hell.”, Bruce muttered with an eye-roll, turned around and sat down opposite to Tony's place.  
He wouldn't get any words out of the genius this time, though.  
Tony would sit and drink, brooding and thinking, but not utter a single word.  
Any person who knew him would be worried.  
Bruce decided to watch.

 

After the Chitauri-Invasion some years ago, and the following madness that had been the Convergence and the revelation of Hydra inside of S.H.I.E.L.D., Thor had returned for longer periods of time, and had made a home between the mortals he had fought besides.  
Half a year later, he had brought Loki with him, freaking his friends on Earth out on an epic scale, because they still remembered the revelation that Loki was dead some time ago.  
It had turned out that the God of Mischief wasn't the only one with a silver tongue.  
How Thor had managed to sway them would remain a miracle forever, but eventually Loki was allowed to stay in their mid, as a fellow warrior, a protector of Earth – as per Odin's request (and subterfuge punishment for taking his role and letting Thor run free, apparently).  
When Pepper had broken things off with Tony, Loki had been the one to catch him before falling. In truth, no one had really seen how hurt the engineer had been, hiding behind a mask so perfect not even Natasha had seen it. Behind the amicable split was raw pain and a betrayed soul that had almost managed to fool even himself.  
Loki had seen it, because he knew how a man looked after such blows.  
He had steered Tony away from any self-destructive tendencies without him even noticing. He didn't lure him from his lab or took away his Scotch – he stayed with him and distracted him enough to forget about them.  
In the end, the billionaire had woken up one day, an unknown ease in his chest when he thought about the love of his life, and, puzzled as he was over that, had fallen head over heels for the black haired magician that had somehow put him back together.  
Loki had been just as puzzled when Tony confessed this.  
And found that he didn't mind returning these feelings.  
From this day on, they were practically joined at the hips.

 

Two days after Bruce had begun watching, Loki left.  
Really no one understood why. There had been no loud shouting match (these had happened regularly), no cheating, no forgotten anniversaries (and wow, Loki was worse with them than Tony), no reckless stunts in whatever battle the Avengers had been called to lately.  
No, one evening it had been Tony sitting on the couch, not speaking a word, and then Loki bid them farewell at breakfast, his voice smooth and calm as ever, before vanishing into thin air.  
“Dude. What the hell?”  
Tony had just shaken his head at Clint, the most heartbreakingly sad smile on his lips, before turning around and hiding in his lab for the next few hours.  
“Thor?”, Steve cautiously asked when no one made a move to follow their mad engineer.  
The blonde God heaved a sigh as heavy as Mjölnir from his chest, his blue eyes downcast and full of sadness.  
“Loki proposed Aesir age to Anthony. He was denied.”

 

The workshop had never been emptier, Tony thought. Despite Loki not taking with him all the little things they had worked on together, or all the small trinkets he had found around the Realms, his missing presence left a Loki-shaped hole in his life.  
“It is for the better.”, the engineer whispered, flopping down on one of the two chairs, two glasses still half full standing on the workbench.  
A half-eaten apple.  
A flask filled with a lavender liquid that was destined to turn Tony into an Aesir.  
“You'll see, Loki. You're better off without me.”  
It had been the fucking hardest thing to do. Nothing would have been easier than to accept and live a happily ever after.  
Except that it very much would be an “ever”.  
Or as long as a few thousand years could get.  
Tony had been unbelievingly grateful that Thor had told him of Loki's plan beforehand.  
“He has asked and gained Father's approval. Think wisely, Anthony Stark. I do not wish for him to be hurt.”  
The engineer had not slept a single second that night. And however he turned and twisted the whole thing, there was only one route he could take that would not make Loki feel as unloved as he had felt before, hopefully.  
So when Loki had placed the vial on the table, hands shaking just the tiniest bit to reveal the nervousness, Tony had shaken his head and denied immortality.  
“I'm sorry. I can't. Live that long, I mean.”  
The look of absolute shock, and the following disappointment in Loki's impossible green eyes had been like a knife to the heart.  
“Look, it's not that I don't care about you, but this? This is too big for me. Too serious. My track record with serious relationships is crap at best. I really, really like you, and I really like what we have. So, please, because I don't want to hurt you any more than this will, please, let's break up before I seriously fuck us up. I can't live forever, not even with you. Perhaps it's for the best if this ends now, before things get even more serious.”  
There had been an uncomfortable silence, and in Tony's head the voices screamed 'I love you!', 'I can't watch all my friends die', 'Please don't go.', 'You're the most important person in my life and I will never be happy again for hurting you and letting you go'.  
“Very well then.”, Loki had then, finally, answered, his voice like gravel, and his eyes blank. Dull.  
“Thank you for your honesty.”  
“I love you, Loki. I really do. But I'm not the one you should share this with. We'd be terribly unhappy together for that long.”  
“I understand.”, the God had said, and Tony knew he really didn't. “I wish you the best for your life.”  
He had turned around and walked out – leaving Tony behind deeply concerned and worried. Loki never walked out of his lab. It testified for how deeply hurt he had been, forgetting to use magic.  
It hurt like a fucking bitch, but Tony knew it was the right thing to do.  
He couldn't make Loki watch him die.

 

“Explain it to me, Tony, I really don't understand. Why, by all that is holy, _why_ have you given him up? You never loved any other person like you love him.”  
Oh, and that was a lie.  
“I did love you just as much. I just couldn't be the man you deserve – just as I couldn't be the man he deserves.”  
Pepper sighed frustrated.  
“It is _because_ I love him, Pep. I can't live forever. I'm not build for this. Mentally. I can't watch you die and live on. I can't spend his eternity with him. Better to end it now while he still has the chance to get over me. I'll be dead in a few years, and I can't and won't let him suffer because I'm too egoistical to commit. I'm human. I don't want more decades or centuries. I won't make him watch as I grow older and sicker, knowing that I'll die what must feel like a heartbeat for him. How could I do that to him?”  
Her eyes were wide, and a bit wet.  
“I would have done the same for you.”, Tony silently added.

 

Thor never failed to travel back and forth. Sometimes he brought back small things. Tony got him a camera to take pictures.  
The years went by.  
Tony never regretted.

 

“Loki.”  
“Yes, Brother? Do lower your voice. She has just fallen asleep.”  
“Apologies, but you need to travel to Midgard tonight.”  
“And why should I do that?”  
“Anthony is dying.”  
Loki froze.  
“He has mayhap a few hours to live. I thought you wanted a chance to say farewell.”  
The pain had never gone away completely. It had faded, though, and the dull ache the once so treasured name sparked was bearable.  
“So soon?”, he whispered.  
“It has been almost fifteen midgardian years.”  
“The average human life lasts around 80 years. He is barely seventy.”  
“He is no average man.”  
Loki swallowed heavily.  
“No, he is not.”  
Then he sighed.  
“Will he want to see me? I understand that he has a lot of friends.”  
Thor chuckled.  
“He never stopped wanting to see you, Brother.”

 

It was hard for Loki to recognize the man he remembered loving in the old face that greeted him from the pillows where Tony Stark was lying.  
“Hey! Look who's come down to Earth.”, he rasped, eyes merry and tired and so very old that Loki wanted to turn and run.  
“Hello, Anthony.”, he said instead, gingerly sitting down when a wrinkled hand patted the covers.  
He had gotten so old. The brown, thick hair he had loved to run his fingers through had thinned and greyed, sun-kissed skin had gotten wrinkled and pale. Sickly, even.  
“You're ill.”  
“Oh, usual crap we mortals have when getting old. The heart lacks strength, organs refuse to work because of reasons, yadda yadda.”  
Even his voice had changed so much. It was scratchy and rough, strained and exerted.  
“What has happened to you?”, Loki asked softly, and with the gentleness of a parent went ahead to caress Tony's brow.  
The man closed his eyes in pure bliss.  
“Time, Lokes. Time happened. I'm old. And my time is up.”  
“I could have given you time.”  
“I know. But I didn't want it. A human is not fit to live that long.”  
Not able to bear the sight any longer, Loki turned his head up and busied himself with looking around.  
And found the walls lined with pictures of himself.  
And his daughter.  
“She's beautiful, Loki. Has your good looks.”  
“You knew?”  
“Thor told me. At first I thought you had found some other bloke, but then he went on and said how you would curse me ever so often, and then I understood. He was very forthcoming with stories and pictures.”  
Loki swallowed. He thought Tony would never know of her. He had kept her a secret, after all.  
“She's the reason you wanted to make me live longer, isn't she?”  
“Yes.”, the God answered, voice hoarse. “Did you know then?”  
With effort, Tony shook his head.  
“I figured it out long after. Too late.”  
“Do you regret it?”  
“Never. That look on your face tells me that it was right. You look like you've seen a ghost.”  
How true that felt Loki would never tell.  
“I'm sad for the lost time we could have shared. I wish we had met as people of the same life-span, with the same expectations.”, the genius softly said.  
Then, his brown eyes turned curious.  
“Do you still love me?”  
“No.”, Loki answered, too fast. When Tony raised a brow, he cringed.  
“Not... like back then. I look at you and try to make sense of the face I knew, because I do not see it any more. There is still... affection... but unlike the affection I felt before. It's more like... fondness.”  
“Good.”, the mortal said, relaxing further into his cushions and closing his eyes.  
It was silent for a long while, and Loki almost thought his once lover had fallen asleep, but Tony drew in a sharp breath before speaking.  
“This will sound crazy, and I understand if it's too much, but since you're the only one in the vicinity... there's no tomorrow for me. I know I'm done for, and that I'll not wake up again should I fall asleep now. I'm a bit terrified here, Loki. As much as I seemed to not actually care about living, I really don't want to die right now, and fuck I've never been more afraid in my life. Could you hold my hand?”  
Loki complied. He felt the nervous fingers glide over his, sparking memories from times long past, but there was no anger any more. Only gratefulness for having known this man.  
“There is no need to be afraid.”, he said calmly. “A man such like you will be greeted by the Valkyrie and led into Valhalla. Do not worry. You will be welcomed by the Norns, and you will share bread and mead with the bravest and greatest women and men in the Realms.”  
Chuckling, Tony gripped his hand harder.  
“Tell me about our daughter, Loki. Tell me everything you can.”

 

Some time into the evening, Loki began to talk about everything he could think of. He felt Tony finally be at ease again, a soft smile on his lips.  
When the sun began to rise again, the God pressed his lips to Tony's forehead.  
“Thank you.”  
Tony had fallen asleep hours ago.  
It hadn't been long after that Jarvis announced his creator's passing away.  
Loki wished he could have done more for him.

**Author's Note:**

> Add. warning: Major Character Death
> 
>  
> 
> My mind is always that tad much fuller and better informed about my stories, with added details and snippets of informations that you don't have, but they wouldn't all have fit in there. I couldn't stop crying while writing it, and I feel like an idiot sitting at my desk bawling my eyes out.  
> Then again, I wanted Tony to feel 'true' love for Loki, letting him go and hoping to ease the pain that was sure to come.  
> If you have questions, feel free to ask.  
> Tell me what you think about it. I'd love to hear your input!


End file.
